Well, I guess we’re off to the old factory. I hate that place.

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Go Gators! Beat Kentucky!

I miss the heck out of the girls when they’re at Dave’s for the Thurs-Sun night stretch. Yeah, after a weekend when it’s been all Lord of the Flies around here, I’m happy when Thursday comes and I know I have a night off, but I already miss them on Friday night

I’m not really focused today, so it’s just going to be a couple links. I tried to find a good video of the Gator Chomp for y’all, and especially for Erica, whose heart will be broken as she cheers for the Wildcats today, but they’re all grainy and wobbly.

Oh – and hey – remember all my posts about The Smell? Well, I smelled it Thursday night and yesterday I got a migraine! I’m super excited because there’s a documented connection between them and I have a term: olfactory aura. I need to start keeping better track, because I do get migraines, I do smell The Smell, and there’s usually a somewhat cyclical element to it. But yay to a possible explanation! I totally couldn’t afford / didn’t have time for some of the scarier reasons for the not-really-there smell.

And now for something completely different …

If you’re in the Austin area, and looking for work, there’s a career fair coming up at Amplify Credit Union the week of October 5th. We’ve got the usual 10 classes, with some great new speakers lined up, and two bonus classes this go ’round.

Here’s a link to the class descriptions and the RSVP: http://octobercareerclasses.eventbrite.com/ You’ll definitely want to RSVP for these as seating is limited.

Here’s a link to the Career Fair RSVP: http://octobercareerfair.eventbrite.com/ For this, an RSVP is less necessary, and you can sign in when you arrive. If there are specific industries you’re looking for, leave me a comment this weekend, as I’ll be calling around to fill up the final 4-5 booths on Monday. The cool thing about the career fair is that the companies and recruiters in attendance have to be actively hiring and not just collecting resumes.

(The linkies have maps / address / times / dates of the classes and career fair, as well)

The fabulous Camille is doing a Giving Tree giveaway over at her blog. It’s been so long since I’ve read that book … I’m headed to the library this a.m. to see if I can grab a copy for Monday night’s story time. It’s no light anatomy & physiology read, I’m sure, but hopefully Bean will approve even without SEM pics of macrophages. At least she loves trees.

Anyone doing anything super fun this weekend? I’m headed to a Cystic Fibrosis Fundraiser and Auction over at Vino100 this afternoon. Until then, I’ll be cleaning up a weeks’ worth of the Destructo Girls’ work.
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I wasn’t gonna use violence. I don’t always use violence. Do I?

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Doing clean up the other night, Bean observed: “There are 34 Bristle Blocks, mommy.”

So, naturally, I asked if she had counted all of them, to which she replied: “No, I used my imagination and I counted them in my brain! I practice-ed, and practice-ed until I got it right.”

Not bad, kiddo.

Sadly, as we discussed what she was bringing for show-and-tell, she decided on baby Cheerilee, the fan-flippin-tastic talking MLP she got for her bday. Not her take-apart human torso, not her tree book, not her body puzzle or even her “biology book with the baby being born!”. I’d have been happy if she even took the “mommy” horse, whose boobs were actually boy parts. But no. Baby Cheerilee. Ah well, she is only 4 after all.

So I dropped her off Wednesday morning, and reminded her the next two nights were with daddy, as I had a couple functions to attend.

Wednesday night was some ‘Texas Music & Film Playmakers Social‘ at The Ranch downtown. I wasn’t looking forward to the event, but ended up having a blast and meeting a few interesting folks. Last night I was supposed to go to a Door64 happy hour, but ended up leaving work early because I felt like crap – no fever, just a lot of nausea. I was also smelling The Smell all day long, even at work.

I’m a bit better today, and thankfully, no Smell, but I may be in for a parent-teacher conference later today. More on this when I’m not about to head to work, but apparently, Bean had a meltdown and kicked a teacher, then, as she was running away, kicked a kid’s head. She also whacked her dad in the face. I need to understand how it all went down, get the teachers’ sides and get Bean’s side, but I’m a bit perplexed how to handle this, and wondering if anyone else is seeing/has seen stuff like this around 4 years and how they handle(d) it …

Help!
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Help me out here, Spock, I don’t speak loser.

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Unfortunately, I do.

So, flew to Sarasota Thursday, landed, went to Kelly’s and we hung out drinking beer and catching up.

Friday morning was the beach with Kelly and her girls and Kerri and her boys. The plan was for the kids to play while the grown-ups chatted, but Mother Nature had other ideas and kicked up some good-sized swells. I spent a lot of time in the water with Kelly’s older daughter (9), who also happens to be my goddaughter. I did get in a nice long walk with Kerri from Crescent Beach to Siesta, though that wasn’t really enough time after so many years. But she had to work that night and again Saturday, so the little bit of time had to be enough.

Kelly and the girls and I went back to her folks’ place (they were out of town), spent some time in the pool and relaxed a bit. Then I got dressed and dolled up for my reunion and headed down to Casey Key. After a ridiculously long wait at the little bridge on Blackburn Pt road, I got there. I walked up to the entrance of the restaurant, panicked and went back to the car.

Why? I couldn’t stop thinking about how I was just kind of the loser who left in tenth grade, and why would anyone care what I had been up to or what became of me. I had a ‘what the hell am I doing here?!?’ moment that I couldn’t talk myself down from.

And I left.

I left because I was a coward who couldn’t bear the thought of standing around like a dumbass if no-one really talked to me. I hate typing all this – it makes me feel like such an ass now, but I’ve never held back before so why stop now. Usually it doesn’t cast me in such a bad light, though.

So, yeah – pansy supreme, that’s me. I’ve had “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me” in my head all evening long, as I procrastinated on blogging and copping to my loserdom. Even contemplated the old “I had a headache” line, but figured I needed to own the decision.

My Friday night was, instead, walking around on Island Park with Kelly’s younger daughter, then hitting St. Armands Circle for some strolling, shopping and ice cream from Kilwin’s. We got home around 10, and everyone crashed.

Saturday was a blast – Kelly dropped the girls off with friends for the day and night, and she and I ate, shopped and were somehow overserved when we went out at night. Breakfast at Yoder’s, shopping downtown, Publix subs for lunch, sunset at Sharky’s, beers at The Hub and Gilligan’s and then dancing to a totally attention-starved 80′s cover band at The Beach Club. (Seriously. Attention starved. Like after every song “Let’s hear it Beach Club!” and stopping after the opening bars of something everyone really liked and not starting again until everyone was screaming for it. I started screaming “love me! LOVE! ME!!!!”)

Sunday morning came around a little too early, but I got packed, hung out a little with Kelly over coffee, and then headed for my sister’s house to see her and grab some lunch before I hit the airport. It was great to see her, too, though she at least knows how to make a plane reservation and come to see people in other states. Unlike some best friends who shall remain unnamed.

And then back to work today, where my jet-lagged brain didn’t catch up until probably 2:00 or so. Next time, I burn an extra day off and make sure to give myself a day off between vacation and returning to work – because I was more or less worthless today and really, really don’t have time for that with so much on my plate.

At least I had my girls back tonight, and between all the hugs and kisses and O’s babbling, I caught a few good ones from the mouth of Bean:

I was born first so don’t push me around Miss O because I’m growed.

Mommy: Can you tell me about what you drew?
Bean: It’s art.

Bean (about ‘sugar bugs’ on her teeth): Why can’t I see them?
Mommy: Because sugar bugs are microscopic.
Bean: That means I need a microscope to see them.

Mommy, can you turn the light on for me? I’m scared. My mind plays tricks on me. Minds do that sometimes.

Yes they do, sweetie. They even trick you into thinking you shouldn’t do something that you really should have.
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Come on, you’ve been dating for what, like 200 years?

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So I signed up over at match.com and their other site, chemistry.com … I’ve gotten more hits there than I ever got over at eHarmony, but I’m still hesitating on paying for the service, ya know? Although I’m not really sure how else grown-ups can actually meet other grown-ups … sigh.

Some of the pictures and usernames tho … now I know why y’all were advising wine and friends. I hated filling out the ‘about me’ stuff, too. I would have definitely done better with wine.

But some of the guys seemed normal and at least meet-for-lunch-able.

My chemistry.com analysis had me as a “Negotiator”, and here’s what they said about me:

You are a big thinker. You easily take the large, long view of almost any topic. You are comfortable juggling myriad facts. You tend to synthesize material easily and to think in webs of factors, not straight lines. You are imaginative and enjoy theorizing.

You are also socially savvy. You are good at both talking and listening. And you generally read people’s faces, body postures and tone of voice accurately, so you tend to intuitively understand what people want and need.

You are also highly compassionate. You care deeply about others. So you sometimes make personal sacrifices to be a supportive friend or colleague. And you like to work to improve the world.

You enjoy new ideas and novel experiences. You are flexible, affable and open to adventure. And you admire impulsive, spontaneous people, despite your tendency to plan ahead.

You dislike conflict. You seek “win-win” solutions. And with your skill as a negotiator, you adeptly bring peace to the chaotic world around you. You are a warm, insightful and often exciting companion.

I sound like a fab catch, huh? Does that really sound like me?

They said my best match would be a “Director”:

Daring, original, direct and inventive. A non-conformist. Skilled at abstract thinking and short-term planning. Often assertive and quite competitive. Tough-minded and efficient.

There are two guys “interested” in me, but I have to cough up $$ to find out more about them. Harumph.

The whole exercise has revealed two truths: I need some more (flattering) pictures of me. I also need to work on my figure a bit. Blech. I don’t do diets so I’m going to have to carve out workout time. Wish me luck with that. I won’t have time for the whole go to the gym and then shower routine on the mornings I have the girls, and I generally only have one or two weeknights when I could do something after work. So it has to be an at-home thing, and I absolutely *suck* at home-based exercise.

Who wants to be my virtual personal trainer?
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Country music; the music of pain.

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In all of my years, I have never been to a country-western bar/dancehall/whatevah.

While it’s not at the top of my return visit list, my evening at the Midnight Rodeo was fun, provided some entertaining conversation and even more entertaining sights and was way, way better than sitting home. (Kels, no reason for a phone call this a.m.)

Even if I did get home around 1:30 and have to work today. Sleep is for the weak, right?

My boss, Dan, had already offered Linda and I the couch at his place if we felt like getting too drunk to drive, but I dismissed that with “And then I can do the walk of shame down the credit union hallway … *with my boss*.” So I paced myself and made sure I was okay to drive. We had all met up a bit farther north beforehand so we could ride in one vehicle and we topped the night off with 1 a.m. Jack in the Box.

Highlights of the evening included Dan’s 24-year-old cousin saying “That’s been what, 15 years?” when I told him that I hadn’t really been out drinking and dancing since I was in college (ouch.) and Linda, the licensed massage therapist, explaining a ‘happy ending’ to a very young and very innocent-looking deputy sheriff. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how that even comes up in the course of conversation …

I was absolutey out of my element, again, but this pushing boundaries thing is kind of fun. Don’t think I’ll be standing in line for Enya tickets or suddently thinking “yes! my favorite way to vacation – a relative’s couch!” or anything, but when it comes to going out and having fun, I’m willing to expand my horizons. A little.

And match.com, huh? I may have to have the girls over, make a pitcher of Micheladas and start surfing …
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You’re here on a date?

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Points to Miss O again – she did wake up once around 9:30, but after 5-10 minutes was back to sleep and slept until around 5:45. She (and I) would have probably slept later if Bean hadn’t gotten up to play at some point, and started banging Ponies on the table in her attempt to “get it all ready and make everything beautiful.”

Because it would have been tragic if the Ponies were in disarray.

Dave’s got the girls again this weekend, starting tonight. And I need to figure out how to find a date. Or dates. Or at least some single chicks to go hang out with, and not the crowd I was with last weekend. If I thought my odds of success were low to begin with, they did nothing to improve my average. They may have dug it deeper in the hole …

I am so, so out of practice on the whole single social thing. eHarmony? Meh. I might try one of the other online dating dealies, but I’m not necessarily looking for lifelong compatibility here – I just want to go on some dates. And if I go too much longer without dating, I’m afraid my standards will start circling the drain.
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I told one lie. I had one drink.

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What a day. Did I really sleep until close to noon this morning? You bet your tush I did.

Pachanga Fest was really cool. Los Bad Apples were great, as was Gaby Moreno. I still have the beats from Los Bad Apples running in my head. It’s a band I would have much, MUCH rather preferred to hear at night, in a club, with a few drinks under my belt and *not* with my boss so I could have freed my hips to do as they pleased. I may have to catch them at a bar one night …

What also rocked was VIP status. Dan noticed the VIP area, and lo and behold, the armbands the event production guy left for us at the gate got us into the land of free food, free drinks and air conditioned comfort. And, bonus – real potties, not porta-potties. In this mystical land, I was introduced to a Michelada – which they prepared as essentially a bloody mary with beer instead of vodka. It doesn’t sound fab, but it actually tasted really good. And as I had quite the buzz from a couple Austin Ambers out in the sun, it was nice to sit, stuff my face with yumm-o food and drink something with less alcohol. Dan said they were supposed to have soda water, lime and hot sauce instead of bloody mary mix, but that got a big old what-ever from me- I thought they were just fine as is.

I had fun with my coworker, Linda’s, family as well – very nice people, with a very sweet Basset Hound. Linda’s sister, Jinnifer, makes gorgeous jewelry from beach glass. I sprang for a cool silver necklace with a silver-wrapped hunk o’ green glass. I slowed down on beers and paced myself here, then stopped for Starbucks iced coffee on the way home. All sweet and nummy.

As I was driving home, I was thinking about going out again. I know, I said it was a long-ass drive and I didn’t want to make it after drinking. But I really, really wanted to take my comfort zone and stretch it to the max … And besides, this is kinda what I need to get back into. Not necessarily the drinking part, but the social scene. Especially when I get these whole weekends off, right?

I did what I said I wouldn’t and came all the way home only to go back out again. And I didn’t shower, either. And I drove all the way *back* downtown to go out.

The band was totally worth it. Julia, Cindy, Shirley – they’re playing on July 4th again and y’all have got to go with me. The band is called The Spazmatics and the are an 80′s new wave cover band. They’re funny as hell and play songs we all know by heart. With the exception of being hit on by some generic creepy guy (who I totally lied to and told I wasn’t there alone), it was a blast.

And Kelly, I missed the hell out of you, especially when they played “Blister in the Sun”. I mean, seriously. Were we not just talking about that song? We totally need to find an 80′s cover band to go see when I’m in SRQ next month.

So now, after lunch with Shirley, I am beginning my “do nothing weekend” at 2:00 on Sunday. I’m tellin’ ya – it’s a rough life sometimes …
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I’ve got to learn to just do the damage and leave town. It’s the stay-’n'-gloat that gets me every time.

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I am taking my usual reservedness and turning it on it’s head today.

I’m meeting my boss at Pachanga Latino Music Festival today. Not in a totally fun/social capacity – we’ve been guest-listed to meet the guys that put it together and to see how they do things. I know, it’s a tough gig I’ve landed myself. It looks like a pretty cool event, and if I had the kiddos this weekend, there is a ton of kid-friendly stuff as well. Since it’s going to be 90+ degrees, I’ll be arming myself with sunscreen and a tank top for this work function … and I imagine a few cold beverages as well. I’ve gotta keep cool and not dehydrate, people!

After that, I’m off to my coworker’s house to meet her family and sample smoked salmon her sister brought back from Alaska this week. Her sister also makes some beautiful found-glass jewelry that I want to check out.

By the way, I’ve been listening to one of the Pachanga Fest bands, Los Bad Apples, while I blog and the music is totally addictive.

I am also considering – considering – going out tonight with some folks from a local single parents meetup group. Part of the consideration is thinking about just booking a hotel room down south so I don’t have to drive home if I do all this. Especially the night thing. Pachanga + coworker’s house, it’s okay to be a little less than dolled-up. But there’s no way I can do Pachanga and the get-together without showing and changing – and by the time I drive all the way home around 6-7:00, it’ll be hard to motivate me back out. But if I just brought a change of clothes and stayed downtown …

I know, it’s a tough life. I really should just come home and relax, get caught up on sleep, etc. I’ve got next weekend off too …
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Well, it’s a burden, but I manage

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I was reading a post by the fab Ms. Single Mama about her Imaginary Husband.

Stuff like this is why I blog and why I enjoy reading blogs – because when you find out someone does something you do, or has experienced something you’ve experienced, it makes you feel … good? valid? I’m not sure what the exact word is, but it’s something that makes you feel less alone, less weird and more important.

I have a chore list and reasons I miss being married, too. Mine is all about the heavy lifting – both the real and the metaphorical. Things like taking out the trash, carrying heavy stuff, building RTA furniture, tech support … but also the stuff like sick kids, nighttime parenting, bad days when you just want someone to tell you that you’re still a rockstar … they’re all burdens that can be managed alone, but are easier managed with a partner.

Unlike Ms. Single Mama, I wasn’t looking to get out, thinking single would be better. In a truly honest assessment, I’ll admit that I had wondered about greener pastures. But I had also done more than my fair share of … grazing … so I knew that even if they looked green, sometimes they were nothing but chokeweed. Or at best dallisgrass – it may look like real grass, but it’s just a clever impostor.

But then, my marriage wasn’t awful, either. Maybe it wasn’t always a lush Kentucky bluegrass … more of an annual rye. Something that looked great on the surface, but needed attention to last. So while I’d glance at the other pastures, I figured I was in a pretty good place, as long as we took care of it.

Obviously, we didn’t, but that’s a whole ‘nother post (and one that I’ve probably done in many different iterations in the past).

Those greener pastures are still there, but, as they always were for me, they’re ideas of someone, not actual someones. They’re my imaginary future lives, with new significant others, and there are a few versions of them. In the words of Langhorne Slim, there’s no road to follow, only stones left unturned.

And while I’m turning them alone right now, I know that one day in the future one of them is going to reveal someone to help shoulder the load.
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For your information, I live a rich and varied social life.

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Thanks so much for the comments on my socializing post … it’s such an ironic kind of post – laying myself bare for the world, yet claiming to be an introvert. But I see that’s the way it is for a lot of you. I wonder how many bloggers are actually introverts, parlaying the relative anonymity of the interwebz into an ability to open up and be, for all appearances, extroverted.

I keep ‘meaning’ to do more social things – attend some single-parent or local singes get togethers, maybe try speed dating … I just don’t really care enough to take the step from ‘meaning to’ to actually going. Can I blame it on all the other balls I have in the air? Job hunting, trying to network, trying to maintain my sanity … ???

Bean, talking to the TV: “Yeah, I’m having an easter egg hunt too.”

And she is. She’ll be hanging with the grandparents today to do the easter egg hunt in their ‘hood. It will be her first, and I’m sure she’ll have a great time. Since Dave had the girls on Thursday, my folks missed their usual Bean day – and I’m just generous enough to give them a make-up day.

Yesterday both girls were up at 4:30. Fortunately, I chose that night to just make their bedtime my bedtime, and I was asleep before 7 p.m. Still didn’t really make 4:30 ‘okay’, merely acceptable, but at least I wasn’t seeing the butt-crack of dawn on only a few hours’ sleep. It certainly makes for a looonnnggg day, regardless.

It’s actually taken me two days to get this far … I started this Saturday around 4:30, and and just now getting back to it around 6 a.m. Sunday.

Yesterday wasn’t awful, even with the butt-crack of dawn wake-up. Everyone was asleep by 7 after some short daytime naps, and, of course, up at 5:00. No matter what time we go to bed, 5:00 seems to be our magic number here … I checked the “No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers” out at the library, so we’ll see if that’s any more motivating that the one for babies. I know the baby one she wants you to keep logs for awhile and then take forever to implement, which is so discouraging to me. I want a no-cry solution that transpires over a week at most, not a couple months. Of course, if I’d started the solution when I first started my sleep griping, it’d be done and over with by now.

I’m just not a believer in letting *my* kids cry. Like I said in my comments from the other day – I don’t fault anyone else for going that route with their kids (unless they are doing it with young babies – that burns my biscuits) – it’s just not something I want to do. Usually.

Miss O is also not a great candidate for it, as she does not ever stop screaming. I’ve found that out the hard way in the car and on the few occasions I have just had it at night and left her in a crib to cry because the alternative is not pretty. (I’m a big believer in the advice the pros give new parents – if you’re at your end point, it’s okay to let a baby cry in a safe place for however long you need to regroup your poop.)

But my ‘lessons learned’ from these experiences is that O does not stop crying until she is picked up. She just doesn’t. It’s never been longer than maybe 20 minutes or so (in the car – in person when I *can* fix it, I’ve never needed more than 10 minutes before I can face the music again.), but there’s no winding down at any point – it’s a continued effort that says to me “however long you can take it, I can go longer”. Would I ever “win” and would she ever cry herself to sleep? Possibly. But I will likely never find out how long it takes to reach that point.

Jen, 2.5 is a looonnnggg way away. You have my sympathies. And a ton of empathy.