Anchovies, anchovies you’re so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.

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I’m probably the only person in the world for whom sleeping in a hotel with my kids really isn’t a hard thing – they’re both so used to cosleeping with me that it’s just a matter of getting a king bed and laying perpendicular to the headboard. A couple well-placed pillows on nightstands and a chair or two to block them from rolling off, and we’re good to go.

So, the Sea World report: in spite of Maine-esque weather (high 50′s and either cloudy skies ir a steady drizzle pretty much the whole time we were at the park), a good time was had by all. Both girls loved the park, the animals and the hotel. Bean referred to the hotel as “our apartment”, and was crushed to learn we were headed home to “our real house” on Sunday – she wanted to stay in the hotel longer. Both nights, she crashed within a few minutes of her head hitting the pillow and slept straight through the night. Miss O did her usual 20-30 minutes of frolicking, then she, too, was out for the night.

Anyone expecting a Zen-like experience at the Hill Country Resort’s spa was likely no fan of the kids this weekend, but I take perverse pleasure in seeing people get pissed off at my kids enjoying themselves. There’s just something so … schadenfreude-y … about annoying someone who’s wound so tight that a couple of joyous shrieks and loud kid chatter puts their panties in a wad.

We arrived at Sea World early enough to feed the dolphins on Saturday morning, but Bean’s excitement at the prospect was nipped in the bud when one of the popoises opened wide and exposed a mouth full of teeth; at that point, the tray o’ anchovies or whatever they feed them was all mine {insert eveil muahahaha laugh and hand-rubbing here}. Miss O was beside herself, and likely would have crawled into the pool with them.

To my Cirque de SoGay hating self, the fact that Bean’s favorite part of the day was the “Viva!” show with high divers and synchronized swimming was a bit of a blow. But she loved “all the acrobats and dolphins and the mommy and baby Beluga whales!” And, being the good mommy that I am, I totally went along with it and encouraged her. Viva! even bumped the Clydesdales from the top of the favorites list; probably because there were no baby horses

She and her friend C love-love-loved the “Cannery Row Caper” show, too, with the sea lions and the otter. The silly and slapstick-rich story had them in stitches. (Nice alliteration, huh?) And going to feed the seals and sea lions afterward was a HUGE hit. After the guide there explained the differences between seals and sea lions, I passed a couple nuggets on to my budding zoologist and she kept them straight for the rest of the trip. She and C would have cheerfully fed the pinnipeds all. day. long.

Saturday was the cloudy and cool day, so the kiddos got to play a little at Shamu’s Happy Harbor and dig in the sand in between shows. The sun actually came out around 2:00 or so, tho at that point the kiddos had about had it and we headed back to play at the hotel. Lots of sand and playscape time, and a good bit of ‘running around the lobby like a crazy person’ time, along with ‘bang on the piano’ time

Sunday was just cold and wet all day, so it was a lot of indoor activities at Sea World (the aquarium and penguin exhibits were perfect for this). But Bean got to ride the little Shamu roller coaster (and did put her hands up with me) and a small ferris wheel in spite of the wet. We caught one last Cannery Row Caper and headed home around 3:00.

I’ll definitely go back; with both girls and even a just mommy-and-Bean getaway a few times a year. She travels so well in the car, and if it’s just she and I all day, I imagine the park will be a piece of cake. Maybe we’ll see if Julia wants to take C and make a whole mommy-big-girl day of it one time too.

But now I need to get back to sleep and bid a reluctant farewell to my long weekend with the kiddos. I tweeted that sometimes I really miss being “just” a SAHM – this long weekend, tho trying at times, made me long for more quality time with them than just a few weekends a month. I’m sure I’d change my tune within a month or two, but man, I really miss doing things with them ….
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Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious.

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Man, I’m wiped out. Monday night I think I got two hours of sleep – I was obsessing on the career fair and classes and everything I needed to do, and the girls were having a fitful night, with one of them making noise like every 45 minutes or so. So I’d toss and turn and try to settle my head, only to have one of them cough or cry out and wake me completely and start all over again. And then I just got to the point where I was wide awake, waiting for the next sound. I don’t think I fell asleep until close to 4, and the munchkins were up by 6.

Tuesday night I fell asleep with them by around 9-9:30, but woke up at 12:30 and was awake until 3:30 or so, and they got up at 6:30.

Last night was better, but still not 8 hours and not solid sleep. I swear, I’m taking 3-4 benadryl tonight (the girls will be at their dad’s) and knocking myself out. Valerian didn’t do it, melatonin and Calms Forte didn’t do it, so I’m pulling out the big guns.

Melissa, Miss O has similar communication issues because of her unclear speech. And similar frustrations; she’s getting better, but it’s much slower going than it was with Bean. I know if I were to sit and focus with her like I could when I was a SAHM to one kiddo, she’d be better, and that sucks. I totally blew off her 18 month check, so I don’t know if she’s truly lagging or just not speaking as well as Bean did at this age. With two months to go until the 2-year one, and with flu season in high gear and me not feeling like just hanging out at the doc’s with her, I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

Bean’s doing quite a bit better at school of late; the teachers have been being more creative in finding things that work for her (and them), and while one girl can’t wait to tell me every day that Bean is mean to her (ironically, after the girl gets all up in Bean’s face when she’s cranky about being dropped off, and then calls her stinky), we’re incident report free. I don’t expect her to always get along with everyone, so even if the “Bean is always mean to me” is true, I’m fine with that. The girl makes *me* want to be mean to her with the 5-10 minutes I spend in the morning, so Bean’s showing considerable restraint if she’s just telling her to back off or the like.

And tomorrow I’m picking them up after lunch and we’re heading to Sea World for the weekend. Wish me luck. And patience. We’re going with Julia and her family, and another friend and her daughter. The friend got us a great rate at the Hyatt Hillcountry, right across from Sea World. There’s a bit to do at the hotel itself, too, so it should be a ton of fun. Packing for a weekend with two kiddos, tho, quite the adventure in overkill.

Bean’s beside herself about going, mostly because she’ll get to see the Clydesdales, which are her “favorite horse because of the feathers on the feet”. She’s expecting mommies and babies, so hopefully there’ll be a foal there. She’ll survive if there isn’t, but that would be awesome. She’s also excited that she’s tall enough to ride the kiddie rollercoaster

I’ll give a full report Monday. Have a great weekend, everyone!
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I don’t know what it is about football that does it for me …

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Yay! It’s Monday and I have my girls back

It’s also the single most conflicting Monday Night Football game I have ever watched. I’ve never been an “I hate everyone in the NFC North”-type Packer fan, so I never had a ton of bad feelings for the Vikings to begin with. Used to love watching Cris Carter, and the brief Carter-Moss tandem was fab. So when Favre went to the Vikes, well, I couldn’t hate. And Favre and the Vikings have been a lot more fun to watch than Rodgers and the Pack.

Packers-Vikings is just wrong on so many levels. I’m so confused. Of course I want my team to win, but this year I have two teams. And I so badly want Favre to pull a “nanny-nanny-boo-boo” on Ted Thompson and the front office folks. I *should* be asleep, or at least getting there, since I’ve been fighting a bug all weekend, and I’m sure the girls aren’t going to let me sleep in, but I can’t walk away from football!

I’m sure I’ll jinx her, but Bean’s had a great couple days at school, and her teacher apologized to me today for coming across as negative. I doubt we’re looking at eternal smooth sailing from this point forward, but it’s a nice set of circumstances. Bean has also invited her teacher to Sea World, so I’m thinking she probably likes her teacher just fine, whatever my reservations are/were about the expectations they have of her.

Congrats Brett. That was a great game. The only QB in the history of the league to beat all 32 teams.

More tomorrow, if I’m up early enough or by some miracle I choose to stay up instead of crashing with the girls. Right now, I know 5:30 is gonna come way, way too early.
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I brought you some supper, but.… if you’d prefer a lecture, I’ve a few very catchy ones prepped

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Yeah, I’m definitely battling *something*. Still no fever, but a nice burn-y eye, scratchy throat, congested and just ick feeling’s been hanging on all day. And the dreary, overcast day was just a perfect one for jammies and TV.

I’m wondering if I am to blame for Bean’s behavior issues at her dad’s and at school. After a bumpy month or so, I’ve gone back to what worked for me when she was little: setting her up for success. I’ve really streamlined what’s important to me and worth clashing with her over, and a lot of other stuff I’ve just let go. As a result, her times with me are relatively stress and incident-free. Don’t think it’s all sunshine and roses, but I’ve made a concerted effort to minimize rules and requirements, not make unrealistic demands of her and to allow her the freedom to make choices and be who she wants to be. I also watch her for cues, and if I see a meltdown coming, I try to get in front of it by holding her and rocking her.

While she spends about 2/3 of her “home” time with me, she spends another 45-ish hours a week (and that’s a good chunk of waking hours) at preschool, and 1/3 of her “home” time with her dad. He’s a bit more rules and regulations than I am, but he’s *generally* a pretty AP guy in most of what he does and how he relates to the girls.

Preschool is obviously a lot more rules and regulations than I am.

And here’s where I wonder if my laissez-faire approach to parenting is doing her more harm than good. At least in the near-term. If she colors on the floor with a crayon and I happen to catch her in the act, to me it’s a talking point. To her dad, it’s a time out. To her teacher, it’s worth making Bean show me the floor. If I don’t catch her in the act, I’ll tell both girls (usually, tho sometimes I do single her out) that we don’t do that and I’ll restrict crayon access to just in my office or something like that. But if I choose to leave them with crayons while I take a shower, and I end up with magenta windowsills, that’s kinda my fault, at least in my mind.

Am I doing her harm by not echoing the structure/discipline/rules she has elsewhere? I’m a single mom running a zone defense on two pretty spirited kids, and honestly, I pick my battles: they can’t run away from me in public, they can’t run into a parking lot/road, they need to be gentle with animals, not kill bugs indiscriminately and not hit/kick/spit.

The other stuff, it’s all more a discussion and natural consequence-type stuff. If Bean’s insisting on wearing shoes that are too small, she gets blisters. If she wants to wear a velvet dress to go play at the park in July, she sweats buckets (and I keep a good eye on her). If she won’t share a toy with her sister, the toy gets taken away from both of them. I may take away a thing she likes if she’s made a bad choice, but I really only “discipline” for large infractions.

What do y’all think? Am I too permissive? Should I create more structure? Am I inadvertently causing her to act out at school because they have rules and I don’t? Ditto at her dad’s house?
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I’ll keep saying it, it’s fun to say… dollhouse, dollhouse, dollhouse, dollhouse.

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Sorry for neglecting y’all. I was on mommy duty this week, and except for staying up late Monday to blog, I crashed with the girlies on Tuesday and Wednesday, then felt kinda crappy yesterday, and not at all in the mood to blog. I think I’ve nipped whatever it is in the bud, but I’ll be keeping the vitamin megadosing and the hot baths that jack up my body temp, plus making sure I get some decent sleep this weekend.

Oh.

Hi.

I’m back. I was going to say that I had just finished watching tonight’s episode of Joss Whedon’s brilliant Dollhouse. But then I went to the Fox site to linky it, started reading some stuff about Joss and the Dollhouse, and ended up going down the rabbit hole in search if a full version of the unaired Epitaph One online. Yes. I know. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Can’t help it. Ironically, I just lost another 20 minutes reading the wiki for Epitaph One (that I just watched) and then linking out to Dollhouse quotes wiki and reading all of those. It’s a sickness.

Anyways … Bean had a somewhat rough week at school, a good week with me, and then off to Dave’s for the weekend again. We’re finally back into the “normal” schedule, where he has them the 1st/3rd/5th weekends, after some juggling in August/September. Two weekends off in a row is a little discombobulating, and honestly, not something I enjoy anymore. I used to kind of like and need it, but nowadays, even one weekend off seems like too much.

Her teacher seems to have come around to leading with the good; so much so that it’s all “she had an awesome day!” and then a quiet “but there is an incident report in her cubby.” I know she was doing the spitting thing again on Wednesday, and she had another report yesterday about pushing someone down. There’s a lot of aggression showing lately, and I just don’t get it. She’s been really vocal and expressive about wanting her whole family back together, so I don’t know if that’s part of it, if she just has crappy anger management abilities, if she’d have been like this even without the divorce … who knows.

Melissa, you said you were dealing with violence/temper stuff, but in a 2-ish year old? Have you identified any triggers? Miss O will bite sometimes at school, but it seems more about just being pissed off at a kid than actual aggression, if that distinction makes sense? The reports I’ve gotten on her stuff always have a kind of slapstick quality to them: “Bit a friend when he wouldn’t move out of the chair she wanted”; with Bean, she’s punching a kid for calling her Spiderman and sticking his tongue out at her. Not that I don’t get that Spiderman can be a bit of a diss, but sticks and stones and all that …

Julia, I could totally see me having the same issues as your neighbor, because I think I’m less strict and more laissez-faire than Dave, and yet he’s the one who’s experiencing the behavior problems. I’m not sure why …
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You got to learn how to play with others.

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Woot!

Did y’all see my boy Brett play on Sunday? Not bad for an old ma, huh? And Percy’s 101 yard kickoff return ruled, too. What? What? I’m not supposed to be all up in the Vikings’ bidness? I’m a Packer fan? Yeah, yeah. You show me the day that Aaron Rodgers is as fun to watch as Brett Favre and I’ll remember my place. I promise. Totally screamed like, well, like a girl watching Brett play yesterday. The Pack? *yawn*

I got my girlies back today, but they came back to me all congested and coughing. Bean’s eyes are all purpley-red from lack of sleep, and O had a nose full of boogers. No fevers, thus far, and dave thought it was allergies all weekend, so we’ll see. Don’t think I’m not loading up on vitamins as a precaution!

Heh. I could hear Bean over the monitor and she was whining “stop!” I go in to check and she’s rolled herself into O’s crib where O was probably trying, in vain, to get the big lummox outta there.

Bean apparently had a sucktastic behavior weekend at her dad’s, then ramped it up a notch when she punched a boy that was hiding behind the teacher to get away from her. (Don’t think I didn’t have a fleeting moment of pride that she punched a boy and a fleeting moment of pity for said boy’s dad when he finds out his son got clocked by a girl. While he was hiding from her.) They made me pick up the incident report in the office, because she spit on him too. *sigh*

On a positive note, tho, when I picked her up, her teacher said she had a great day, but that there was an incident report in the office. She gave me the details, but did at least start with Bean having had a great day. When I picked it up in the office, my initial impression of the new director was not so great – she couldn’t spare a smile or kind word for Bean or for me. I get that hitting and spitting aren’t cool, but c’mon -the girl is like 4.25 years old and she’s allowed some screw-up latitude. And I’m a nice lady. You can’t smile?

Anyways …

Ironically, I was telling friends this weekend that Bean’s behavior with me was much improved. And she was great with me tonight, as well. Dave said she was defiant, laughed at him or ignored him when he disciplined her, etc. I’m not sure why her behavior is so different from house to house … I have some thoughts, but I’m still tumbling them around in the great big open space above my shoulders.

Any other “two homes” parents reading? Do you see similar kinds of behavior differences from house to house, even without dramatically different parenting styles? Dave and I are different, but it’s not like polar opposites different …
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Well, I guess we’re off to the old factory. I hate that place.

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Go Gators! Beat Kentucky!

I miss the heck out of the girls when they’re at Dave’s for the Thurs-Sun night stretch. Yeah, after a weekend when it’s been all Lord of the Flies around here, I’m happy when Thursday comes and I know I have a night off, but I already miss them on Friday night

I’m not really focused today, so it’s just going to be a couple links. I tried to find a good video of the Gator Chomp for y’all, and especially for Erica, whose heart will be broken as she cheers for the Wildcats today, but they’re all grainy and wobbly.

Oh – and hey – remember all my posts about The Smell? Well, I smelled it Thursday night and yesterday I got a migraine! I’m super excited because there’s a documented connection between them and I have a term: olfactory aura. I need to start keeping better track, because I do get migraines, I do smell The Smell, and there’s usually a somewhat cyclical element to it. But yay to a possible explanation! I totally couldn’t afford / didn’t have time for some of the scarier reasons for the not-really-there smell.

And now for something completely different …

If you’re in the Austin area, and looking for work, there’s a career fair coming up at Amplify Credit Union the week of October 5th. We’ve got the usual 10 classes, with some great new speakers lined up, and two bonus classes this go ’round.

Here’s a link to the class descriptions and the RSVP: http://octobercareerclasses.eventbrite.com/ You’ll definitely want to RSVP for these as seating is limited.

Here’s a link to the Career Fair RSVP: http://octobercareerfair.eventbrite.com/ For this, an RSVP is less necessary, and you can sign in when you arrive. If there are specific industries you’re looking for, leave me a comment this weekend, as I’ll be calling around to fill up the final 4-5 booths on Monday. The cool thing about the career fair is that the companies and recruiters in attendance have to be actively hiring and not just collecting resumes.

(The linkies have maps / address / times / dates of the classes and career fair, as well)

The fabulous Camille is doing a Giving Tree giveaway over at her blog. It’s been so long since I’ve read that book … I’m headed to the library this a.m. to see if I can grab a copy for Monday night’s story time. It’s no light anatomy & physiology read, I’m sure, but hopefully Bean will approve even without SEM pics of macrophages. At least she loves trees.

Anyone doing anything super fun this weekend? I’m headed to a Cystic Fibrosis Fundraiser and Auction over at Vino100 this afternoon. Until then, I’ll be cleaning up a weeks’ worth of the Destructo Girls’ work.
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When I want a lot of medical jargon I’ll talk to a doctor.

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How did you start your Wednesday morning?

Watching a video of an angioplasty? No?

Bean’s bedtime book on Tuesday was Essentials of Human Anatomy & Physiology. In it, an illustration of an artery with plaque deposits began a whole journey down the rabbit hole of junk food, cholesterol and coronary artery disease, which led, naturally, to the coolness that is a balloon in the artery. Hey, she was a little spooked by stuff building up in her blood vessels, so it was great to be able to save the day with a balloon I was a little foggy on *how* angioplasty worked (where the catheter went in, etc), so I promised her a video in the morning. Then passed out cold with them as I laid down with them. After 4-5 days of me staying up until midnite-ish and them getting up at 5-ish, my body had *had* it.

Next morning, after telling me Handy Manny was boring and asking if we could watch football (god love her), we watched the angioplasty video. It was a CGI one, so no blood, but she was fascinated. Especially with the “little cage” (you know it as a stent). Her description later was a little bogged down with confusion between a plaque occlusion and how T-cells and viruses work (there was an image of a T-cell being attacked by the AIDs virus in her anatomy book, but I kind of glossed over all that, as she already knows how easily viruses are transmitted, and didn’t want to hit her with killer viruses as well), but in her defnse, she’s got the T-cells and virus in place of the plaque, and they all look pretty darn similar.

She was all excited to tell Miss Kate and Maria about the video, but I essentially had to drag her into her classroom. And she wouldn’t breathe a word of it to the teachers there. That’s pretty typical of every dropoff – I have to drag her in there and she clams up when Miss J asks her a question or tries to engage her.

I’ve talked to Bean, and she doesn’t say anything bad about the teachers in her class, just that she’s scared to go there. I’ve even, reluctantly, asked the sort of leading questions I try to avoid like “Do you like Miss K and Miss J? Are they nice to you?” She has said she likes Miss Kate’s class better, but only says it’s because she has more stuff and her class is only half a day. I’ve explained that half days aren’t an option, and that stuff isn’t important, people are.

She’s been lamenting about wanting her mommy and daddy back together again, as well. Every. Single. Picture. this week has been her “whole family”, with Dave and I side by side. But we did talk a bit about how mommy and daddy will never get married again, so even though it’s sad for her, and probably will be for a while, she can’t focus on that aspect. She actually said to me the other day: “I’m sad that you and daddy won’t ever be married again, but I know that it will never happen, so I’m not too sad about it.” I’m glad she can articulate that – I don’t ever want to invalidate her feelings, but something like that, I think it’s important that she *know* it just will not happen, so she isn’t harboring any hope. She can be sad; hell, there are still aspects about it that make me sad (most notably that it’s still hard for her). But I don’t want her thinking that Dave and I will ever remarry.

The kid’s just too damn smart for her own good sometimes.
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Wordless Wednesday

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Let’s hear it for the girl …

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My mom sent me an article I think I’m going to print for Bean’s school: When a Parent’s ‘I Love You’ Means ‘Do as I Say‘. I’ve read Alfie Kohn’s “Unconditional Parenting” book, so I knew what to expect from the article. UP is, to me, an ideal and not something I can implement on an ‘every minute of the day’ basis, but it’s such an awesome concept. I don’t do time outs. I take away *things*, but I don’t withhold love or affection. Bean’s fond of saying “Love is a privilege you’ll never take away mommy.” She knows if she makes craptastic choices, we won’t be going on any special outings or she may not get to do arts and crafts at home, or she may lose her bedtime stories, but she also knows that’s where it ends. Sure, there’s still a ‘condition’, but it ain’t my love or affection.

The one thing I have to thank this latest teacher dilemma for is that it has reawakened my belief that Bean is a great kid. Somewhere in the effing fours, I had forgotten that. I had forgotten how magical, how funny, how incredibly warm and loving she is. I’d lost sight of the fact that she’s the kid that tells me, as she accompanies her improv song on the harmonica,

“This song is called ‘Crazy Big Sister Girl’
You’re my crazy big sister girl
See my stinky butt-butt
See my stinky butt-butt
My stinky butt-butt is funny!”

She’s the kid who hollers at Dora the Explorer “I already said map!” She’s also the kid who asks if I can stop the car so she can get out to hug a tree.

She’s the kid who asks me to sit closer to her so she can hug me while she eats, and goes to get her little sister when we’re coloring, because she thinks Miss O should be with us. She picks out Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon for story time every night because she knows it’s my favorite book (and one the rest of y’all should get if you don’t have it – it’s just awesome.)

She’s the kid that explained to me this afternoon, as we looked at a ‘human body’ book and a picture of the facial musculature, “Right here (pointing midway up the nose) is about where my finger stops when I pick my nose. Then it finds a boogie to eat and it goes into my mouth. Then it goes back in my nose.”

She knows the Latin names for crape myrtles, oaks and birches, but has *no idea* how a huge scribble of magenta crayon ended up on the windowsill. She will cheerfully yoink a toy from her sister with the cry of “I had it first”, knowing that’s usually my criteria for deciding who keeps it. But she’ll also hold all the other 4-year-olds in her class at bay if they try to hassle Miss O when we arrive to pick Bean up.

I’m sure there are some folks who think the fact that Bean’s still in her current class reflects poorly on me; while there are others who think I’m some molly-coddling parent who just needs to STFU. The paradox for me is the balance between what she can expect from life, and what I want for her in life. Her teacher’s take on how kids should behave/be treated isn’t really out of left field. I need to see if it aligns with her school’s stated policies, and then Dave and I have to decide how to handle it if it does, but I think she’s basically a good teacher who is probably a good fit for most kids.

One of the reasons I’ve held off on any formal sit-down is because I don’t want to talk to the school and have them come down on the teacher; she’s probably doing what she thinks is right, and since she has taught kindy before, she probably has an ideology she follows. Julia and Vivian, your takes mean a lot to me, because you have education experience. J, you mentioned she may be a Harry Wong ‘student’, and from what I can find online with his classroom management dealie, I wouldn’t be surprised. It rubs me a little wrong, but since I’m not trying to survive in a room full of four-year-olds, far be it from me to question a “classroom management” approach to life.

Thankfully, Dave and I are again on the same page as far as questioning whether it’s the right environment for Bean. With the evil Miss A, we wanted Bean out of that class, and fast. With this teacher, it’s more about understanding if the school is behind the approach, and if so, why. Tho my gut says if this really is the way Bean’s life will be until kindy, it’s not something either of us is really okay with …

So thanks again to everyone for the feedback and support. Thanks also, for the cheerleading for Bean. I wish everyone could meet her in person, she’s a remarkable kid and one you would be unlikely to forget any time soon
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